So fresh and so mean!

So although my life has been coming together piece by piece the last few months and Ive been happier than i think I have ever been, Ive still had a grey cloud over me up until today.

Although I have my lovely little house, in a lovely little area, with my lovely house mates and paying for it all with my lovely little job, my depression was still in the background. I had come off my medication by my own choice at the end of the summer as It was time to suck it up and stop hiding behind the pills.

Things have been really complex lately. I was thinking of buckling and going back to the pills. I was finding tonnes of things too hard to cope with. Too much at one time. Then I looked at myself not so many days ago and realized "Man...I have a fucking full grown beard" What the fuck is this shit??? Men get beards! Not me. I'm still only fucking.........Oh!!! I'm 20 motherfucking 4 going on 20 mother fucking 5. I am a man. Bollocks!!!

So...Being a man, I suppose I'm gonna have to step up and TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!
I put on my game face. Wiped my worry slate clean. And decided to deal with everything as it comes. One mother fucking problem at a time.

I started with getting the social life sorted. Reigning it back a little. Stop using Mr. Vodka as some kind of comfort blanket to help me sleep. Done. Next, Finances. With the social life pegged back, More cash has become available, Bigger chunks of cash off bills. Done.

Next, love life. Well, When I say love life..... I mean the part of my life dedicated to female friends. Up until recently I had not realised what a fucking wanker I have been to women. Specially the ones who actually love me. And to my surprise...There was more than one. I had three Women tell me they were in love with me this month. I don't understand it. But regardless...I'm a fucking chicken. I push them all away as harshly as I can so they never come back.

Ive apologised to all but one. She doesn't deserve a sorry.

I had also been getting weird vibes from a really good mate lately. I knew they were avoiding me as much as possible without letting me know or hurt my "feeeeeelings" but I was in such a good humor today nothing could bring me down. I decided to hit that shot up head on. All or nothing. Surprisingly after just being straight for what seemed like an hour, But in fact was about 5 sentences...We were back on track. This week I had gotten three texts from said friend. Tonight we chatted for about 5 hours, Having fun, Laughs and actually talking about stuff that mattered. It gave me that 5% extra spring in my step.

Although I haven't specifically said what has made me snap out of my grey lull, lets just say Ive had an eye opening experience this week and I'm glad I came out of it the better. Things could always, ALWAYS be much much worse. Keep smiling and the world will smile with you.

The "He said, She said" BULLSHIT!!!

I like to think that I have a lot of friends. And this year has been a strange one regarding friends.
Why??? Well I have grown apart from some of my oldest longest mates, Doods I grew up with. Its not that I dont like them, Its just that they are all grown up now. All off them with kids and long term girlfriends and bills and shit And not much time to do the stuff we used to do all the time. Like hang out, football, darts, Music and general lads stuff.

I honestly didnt think I would find the same kind of friendships that had been straying from me over the last couple of months. But fuck me.....I was totally wrong. Since I moved out I have gained so many people in my life and I couldnt be happier. Im out most nights just hanging, Gigs, Chats, Mexican food, Creeping with Kev!

I have to say, Moving out was the best thing for me. Although I havent been able to exactly live there the last month or so, Im glad to say after this week I will be in a better financial situation and I can finally afford to live with my boys again.

The reason Im posting this is...... Although I have gained sooo Many new positive and caring people in my life, There is always one or two haters. I love haters. Give me fucking more of them. There the people on the OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. The people who hate the fact that you are popular (For want of a better word) Amongst your friends. They hate sitting on the sidelines looking on as you enjoy there company and they enjoy yours. They use dirty tricks to try get your attention so you know that they are there lurking in the background...Hoping and waiting that you slip up so they can feel better about themselfs. Why people do this I really dont know.

Basically...What Im trying to say is... IM HAPPY. DONT HATE MY HAPPINESS. CAUSE THE ONLY ONE IT HURTS IS YOU!

These people know who they are :) The cant understand that in this world there are genuinly happy people.

Peace out and have a good holloween :)

As the World Turns...

Back once again for the renegade Masta!

Hi, Sorry I haven updated this in a while. The reason? I couldnt have been fucking arsed.

So Whats been going on? Well Since the last time a good few things happend and here they are in bullet points.

• Signed up as RED ENEMY manager.
• Moved into the Local with the Lads.
  
• Got With Nickey.
  
• Built a House with Casey and Noel.
• Broke up With Nickey.
• Went to belguim with Doods.
  
• Started Going to raves again.
• Started to hang out with a certain 4 foot midget.
  
• Got the RED ENEMY EP out.
• Started the process of turning my company Limited.
• Went the Darts in Citywest

Tonnes of other stuff in between it all but they would be kinda major points i suppose. If you have any points of interest i should have put up comment ;)

Other than that... Life has been good. Im so much happier than i was this time last year. Im going to gigs, Hanging with new best friends, Talking complete pony with xMackellx about Nice dicks and syncing our farts. Im fucking broke as a joke but Ive never been happier. Im currently looking into going to college next year and giving it a real go this time round, Im in a totally different mind set now and I feel confidant I can become whatever the fuck I want to be.

They say behind every great man is a great woman... Well I wouldnt know anything about that but what I do know is that behind every Happy man is a fucking tonne of GREAT FRIENDS.

Change, Nature and positive vibrations

So I haven kept this up to date. Lots of mad junk has happened since I last blogged but I'm not going to make a huge post on all that junk.

So I finally think its time for a complete change, Scenery, house, people, attitude..... every aspect of life really.

I'm looking into moving into a house with a few cool lads I know from a local music forum. I'm talking to a new chick too, she makes me smile and feel important....Which is nice for a change. I'm currently looking into getting into mix martial arts and start doing a Lil UFC fighting for fun like. I think If I move out I will look for a whole new football team too. The house is near the beach which is perfect cause I can go fishing most days now instead of only once or twice a week. I really love fishing, I just brings you back to whats really important in life. No!!! Not the baiting the fish to death to stop it from suffocating, But the getting in touch with nature.

Fuck all this concrete, electronic equipment, computers, technology, fluoride in the water, pollution in the air, Religion and monetary systems.......Its all bollocks, its all smoke and mirrors to keep you entertain and detached from nature!

Nature is where it is at. That's what life is about. Survival. If there's one thing I urge people to do is to just get out of the city and explore the wilderness. Climb a mountain, jump into a river, climb a tree. sit back and relax and look and listen to all around you. investigate for yourself. If you tell me you don't feel happier inside, your not more calm as a result or more clear minded about what really matters in life Then you deserve to rot in front of your TV drinking your brain rotting Fluoride ridden water and worrying about the money you don't have to pay the bills you don't need for the goods you don't need to satisfy your emptiness.

Ive noticed something in the last while, there actually is a god, its you! Its me.....Its every living thing, its every atom everywhere..........We are just matter, A self manifestation of ourselves, we create ourselves from the matter we already are, then we create our own destiny in which memories are created which further enhance our being of self, based on memories you can perceive what the future is most like to entail, based on previous experience. this then helps you to best judge on what to do next, enabling you to choose your own destiny.

The two key principles I feel the universe work on is Vibration and Attraction.

Everything is vibration, sound, light waves, molecules everything. Attraction will draw things to it. Put it this way, If you send out bad vibrations....... you will attract bad vibrations. Everyone knows that guy who moans about how everything bad always happens to him and "Whats the point" And so is always negative. Did it ever occur that maybe bad things happen to this person because he is sending out negative vibes constantly? Misery enjoys company. Do you think he will have upbeat friends? nope.... you can bet all his friends are sour losers too.

We also all know "That guy" you know....The guy who is constantly smiling, Always saying hello, always happy to help or go out of his way for someone. Ever notice how everyone smiles back, Waves back, Talk about him in nice ways and would do anything if he ever needed it??? attraction to positive vibrations maybe???

I think so. Try it and see if your live doesn't get better within a week. Be happy, make people happy, smile at people, converse positively, help people. Watch the dividends pay off within a week and try tell me I'm wrong.

What have you got to lose??? 7 days out of the many 10s of thousands you gonna live. Trust me.......Life is about to change!

MEGA UPDATE!!!

So I haven't Updated this in a while, Been mad Busy in the job. So much has happened since I last posted. The company is absolutely flying, like I mean we are making so much progress so fast, but IL keep that for another blog this is about Personal life today.

So Me and Nicola didn't work out, I tryed my best but realised she made me sad and upset in myself, I need to stay in a positive attitude all the time so she had to go, I finally realised I didn't love her anymore, Its a long chapter in my life that is now closed, But its for the best, Onwards and upwards I suppose!

Let me tell y'all something a little more lighthearted...........well a bit durrrrty:D

At a party on Saturday at some big awesome mansion. The thing was totally mental, Got way out of control but I needed a party like that. A mate of mine comes up and says "Here man, I just met that chick" I was like "Nice one man, shes nice" just as he finishes saying it, some dude comes up and says to the both of us "Here lads shes a durty oul yolk over there, I just spunked in her gob". My mates face dropped!!!! "YOU DIRTY CUNT, IL KILL YE" They ended up laughing about it after some fighting :D

AHAHAHAHAHA Mega funny reactions!

Cull finished a game of 301 with 7 darts:D He was chuffed to beat mock with it, Apparently it was the best darts the extongsion has seen in a while.

I have a mate that's a journalist and is looking for a job so if any of you motherfuckers have a hook up, Pass it on cause she wants to get into writing asap. I'm all for helping enthusiastic people, so help a niggah, help a niggah yeah :D

Gold shot gun in call of duty 4!!! Come on

Oh and its my birthday on Friday, Everyone better come and rock out with me.

That is all

Later gators ;)

Business time!

My company moved into our new office today, Im really happy!

Its finally feeling like all the hard work is starting to pay off, even though we havent made a dollar yet, But were not trading yet so I guess Its all expenses till we do. We will be hopefully trading by may.

We Hired our head of sales today, Had a meeting with him and we got the ball rolling. We have a meeting tomoro with a guy we are putting in charge of Marketing. We have a bunch of people getting on board already looking for jobs, We are currently beating off investors with a stick also.

We have a meeting on wednesday with one of the head guys from SEGA who is flying over to have the chats with us, Konami are looking to get in on the deal but I think SEGA's deal will be better, but we will have to wait and see.

Hel knocked us out some lethal  hoodies for me and shane going to the gaming expos in london, They turned a few heads cause everyone else was wearing suits. He done us a solid on the Logo and even on the price of the hoodies. Were looking to make him head of visuals for the company advertising department. We will have a chat with him on wednesday about that.

So I guess all is going well at the moment, I actually dont feel like some waster from the mun just sittin around drinkin all day.............Now Im a Business dude who drinks all day :D

Only kidding, I only drink on the weekends ;)

Laters ya'll

FAITH MUCH?

Off to london tonight for a trades fair, Well a few trades fairs actually!

Heres where faith rears its beautiful head. We get a call from Kanomi looking for a meeting tomoro, Guess Where. Thats right, A 5 minute walk from where we are going anyway, On the exact day we are going to be there:D

Not only that, But an idea we had has come into fruition within two days and things are looking like the business is moving staright into fifth gear already.

Exciting times :)

That is all

One step forward two steps back

So this week there has been some progress. I decided that I need to do at least one thing every monday that I have been putting off for a long time, For example.........I hate paper work and I don't mean I hate doing it but I actually cant do it, my brain just goes blank and starts flipping out. So I decided to get a grip on that. I went down to my bank and finally set up a current account, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but I have been forcefully been putting it off for about 2 years. 

Lar 1 - demons 0!!!

Next on the line, Went for a meeting with my community business development officer. He was blown away by the business proposal! I couldn't believe how much he was digging the idea, When I walked in he thought I was just another punk kid, But after a few jokes and then some serious figures he advised me to forget small fish like community development and Go straight to the I.D.A!!! WOW.......... That was a mega confidence booster, And to be honest I really needed it, Like I really believe in the company but to hear it form a pro was great assurance.

Ok so the set back are next

Well I got some bad news yesterday :(

My little cousin has been brought into hospital for tests for cystic fibrosis, he's only like 6 or so and Im very close to his mam and dad. The whole family is distraught! This had a knock on effect on my nanny who has taken very ill and needs hospital attention, but im going to explain a little about my nan so you understand why this is really bad.

My nanny A.K.A Carmel (Were not allowed call her nanny cause it makes her feel old) Is a very proud woman, She is one of them old skool people where you could fuck a kettle of scalding water in her face and she would still get up and go to work the next day. Like she is supposed to take morphine tablets for her various sickness's but refuses! Hard bitch or what!!!

She still works in a factory, she works 12 hour shifts and any overtime she can, she loves work. She also still goes out clubbing and the likes with all my family and her daughters. She is more like My close friend than just some old bag that gives ye tea and biscuits every sunday. I have worked beside her since I was 16 and before that I would be in her house for my dinner every second day of my childhood, Not to mention going away with her every summer holidays for 3 months down to our holiday home. So this woman means a lot to me.

So anyway, She is really sick, She wont go to the hospital and the family are all going mad. My mam is a real hippyish kinda mellow person that the family look up to for advice, So she was called in last night to get some sense into carmel, She Is still down there now. I was left to babysit, Missing Joe-breakers party, Missing going down to the red enemy house and Missing poker!

But I suppose some things are more important than drinking and gambling............... And realizing that makes me feel like I have reached a real turning point.

Family is what really matters!

Fresh start

2009 is the start of a new life for me. 2008 was a bit dyer as far as life is concerned. My girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me, I relapsed into my epilepsy which I had under control for nearly three years, Which resulted me on having to bail on college (A course I had wanted since I was 16) I also disappeared one day from my house and lost contact with my house mates for months, Im sure they thought I was dead at one point. I ended up getting a job with my uncle, Only to be let go a month before christmas and ended up having to work in a crappy bread crumb factory to get through christmas. Man I fucking hated that job, Freezing cold Ice bread, Loud ass grinding machines, Egotistical boss who would give out cause you went on your specified breaks........... God it was a shit hole and it just summed up my year in a nut shell.

Fuck all that shit, 2009 Is my year!

Were only two weeks into it and I have already formed my own company with a very good friend of mine, We sign for our new office on tuesday. My business partner is currently in America meeting with investors, Were off to london at the end of january for a trades fair and were looking forward to that also. Hopefully we will be up and running and earning loads of cash by the end of this year.

I made up with my girlfriend and were trying to have one more stab at the oul relationship, Im On new medication which is keeping my brain in check and my band is back rehearsing again. Life is looking good from here on in, But no doubt something weird and wonderful will happen to throw some drama and commotion my way. I look forward to living this year out and seeing what's in store, Il try and update every week with how im feeling, what im thinking and whats been happening.

Till then...............

Bite my shiney Metal ASS!!

P. king